A lot of you have become fans of Man Flow Yoga because I keep it focused on the physical benefits of yoga. You can watch my videos or attend a workout and know that I will not say something that will try and make you change your way of thinking or ask you to search for deeper meaning in life during your daily workout. Let me say that I love you yogis. Without you, I would never have learned yoga to the extent that I have now, and been able to teach it to so many people. However, there are some things that you say that just drive me crazy because of my inability to tie them into into my life. Yoga trolls – feel free to call me narrow-minded, threaten to call the yoga police on me, silently send chastised looks my way, or, my personal favorite, post about it on Facebook. Here’s the list.
1. And just… be.
WHAT. DOES. THAT. MEAN. Just be what? Confused? Content? Strong? At least finish your sentence. I can understand it if you tell me to be a rock. I f***** love that. A rock? Sweet – that means I’ll be strong, unmoving, and solid. But if you tell me to just “be”, you will most certainly witness me stop what I’m doing, look at you, and roll my eyes.
2. Feel your connection with the earth.
There is a solid, man-made floor beneath me. This is not the earth.
3. The only moment that really matters is right now.
There is no way that I can possibly tie this into my life as someone who needs to follow a schedule, plan in advance, and makes moves that can have a lasting impact on my future. If I truly acted as if the only moment that really matters is right now, I would not pay rent, have friends, a birthday present from my parents, or teach any yoga classes at all.
4. Use your bathroom muscles.
So you want me to defecate on the floor? I’m going to need you to say that again in more technical terms, please. I’m not a 5 year old – and neither are you.
5. Be at one with the universe.
If you are going to make this bold request, please at least make some sort of effort to tell me how I can be at one with the universe. Mufasa did it with his “circle of life” speech – start there.
6. If you are straining in any way, you are not doing yoga.
Have you ever done chair pose? If you have transcended straining while in chair pose, please let me know how you did, because I want to know how.
7. I don’t do yoga; yoga does me.
F*** that. I do yoga; and I do yoga hard.
8. Anything involving the phrase “Let my light shine”.
You are not an angel or a yogi Goddess. Please bring it down a notch.
9. Open your heart up.
This is physically impossible. Sternum and chest are some good words to use here, but unless you are a surgeon making a joke to your surgical team, please don’t ever say this.
10. There is no wrong way to do this pose.
There are MANY wrong ways to do every pose. Not only is this stupid to say, but it can potentially get somebody injured. Regardless of your beliefs regarding yoga, a component of it is the asanas, which is physical movement, and any time you are doing physical movements, there is the potential for injury. So if you are a yoga instructor, anatomy and correct technique are absolutely a necessity.
Well… there’s a brief rant on yoga schtuff that drives me crazy. Hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you watch the workouts at www.youtube.com/manflowyoga if you haven’t checked them out yet, and check out the Man Flow Yoga shop for sick apparel.