10 Yoga Sayings That Drive Me Crazy

A lot of you have become fans of Man Flow Yoga because I keep it focused on the physical benefits of yoga. You can watch my videos or attend a workout and know that I will not say something that will try and make you change your way of thinking or ask you to search for deeper meaning in life during your daily workout. Let me say that I love you yogis. Without you, I would never have learned yoga to the extent that I have now, and been able to teach it to so many people. However, there are some things that you say that just drive me crazy because of my inability to tie them into into my life. Yoga trolls – feel free to call me narrow-minded, threaten to call the yoga police on me, silently send chastised looks my way, or, my personal favorite, post about it on Facebook. Here’s the list.

1. And just… be.

WHAT. DOES. THAT. MEAN. Just be what? Confused? Content? Strong? At least finish your sentence. I can understand it if you tell me to be a rock. I f***** love that. A rock? Sweet – that means I’ll be strong, unmoving, and solid. But if you tell me to just “be”, you will most certainly witness me stop what I’m doing, look at you, and roll my eyes.

2. Feel your connection with the earth.

There is a solid, man-made floor beneath me. This is not the earth.

3. The only moment that really matters is right now.

There is no way that I can possibly tie this into my life as someone who needs to follow a schedule, plan in advance, and makes moves that can have a lasting impact on my future. If I truly acted as if the only moment that really matters is right now, I would not pay rent, have friends, a birthday present from my parents, or teach any yoga classes at all.

4. Use your bathroom muscles.

So you want me to defecate on the floor? I’m going to need you to say that again in more technical terms, please. I’m not a 5 year old – and neither are you.

5. Be at one with the universe.

If you are going to make this bold request, please at least make some sort of effort to tell me how I can be at one with the universe. Mufasa did it with his “circle of life” speech – start there.

6. If you are straining in any way, you are not doing yoga.

Have you ever done chair pose? If you have transcended straining while in chair pose, please let me know how you did, because I want to know how.

7. I don’t do yoga; yoga does me.

F*** that. I do yoga; and I do yoga hard.

8. Anything involving the phrase “Let my light shine”.

You are not an angel or a yogi Goddess. Please bring it down a notch.

9. Open your heart up.

This is physically impossible. Sternum and chest are some good words to use here, but unless you are a surgeon making a joke to your surgical team, please don’t ever say this.

10. There is no wrong way to do this pose.

There are MANY wrong ways to do every pose. Not only is this stupid to say, but it can potentially get somebody injured. Regardless of your beliefs regarding yoga, a component of it is the asanas, which is physical movement, and any time you are doing physical movements, there is the potential for injury. So if you are a yoga instructor, anatomy and correct technique are absolutely a necessity.

Well… there’s a brief rant on yoga schtuff that drives me crazy. Hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you watch the workouts at www.youtube.com/manflowyoga if you haven’t checked them out yet, and check out the Man Flow Yoga shop for sick apparel.

13 thoughts on “10 Yoga Sayings That Drive Me Crazy”

  1. WOW…I’ve not heard most of these…nor do I use these when I teach. I could see where they would bother you.

    F*** that. I do yoga; and I do yoga hard.

  2. Pretty sure if I heard the words, “Use your bathroom muscles” I’d leave the class. Again, hilarious. Thanks for putting into words what I’m sure many of us feel.

  3. I believe the bathroom muscle thing is as if your going to stop going. Once you activate the stop muscle movement then you relax the action before doing it again. If it help think of the reflex feeling of J_off then you might enjoy that thought.. I believe there is name for this as an exercise…kegel exercises. They strength the muscles for getting and sustaining an errection and help endurance 🙂 For more reading http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Kegel.aspx

  4. I believe #1 and #3 are trying to get you to be in the experience second by second focusing on observing your heart rate and getting in touch with how each body part feels. This concept rests the brain from all the things that are stressing you for just a few minutes allowing a part of you a break. You’ve already planned to be in the class for “x” minutes so you know you’ve planned to do only yoga for this time. The idea then is to let go of everything except yoga for a set time.

  5. I believe #2 #5 #8 and #9 are emotional and so many guys may not be interested in relaxing emotionally. The idea being triggering the healing power of love.

    I agree that you are exercising which requires discipline but with the idea of giving you a break from stresses of life then relieving a person of guilt probably is the idea. Some people hold alot of guilt about their imperfections.

    These more touchy feely aspects of some yoga classes are likely the spiritual, psychological and physical health benefits yoga is known for and less known for the true physical challenge and strengthening aspects by the average weight lifting guy.

  6. Josh Kilpatrick

    Dean, Dean Dean. 🙁 You are making me scared to go to your yoga retreat. 🙂 (not really).

    I’d like to share a few things I felt when I read your post. I’ll start with saying that part of what attracts me to the practice of yoga is the mental setting created by most of the instructors who teach me. I live in Seattle; so, I’ll admit this is a pretty hippy area.

    “Just Be” – when I hear my instructor say this or something like it, I am reminded that part of the goal of my practice is to put myself into situations that require focus and endurance and THEN try to just experience how it feels without letting my mind wander. Some people may have minds that are not prone to wander – mine does. I might be thinking about something completely unrelated to what I’m doing or perhaps all I can do is think about how uncomfortable I am and what we are going to do next. When I’m wandering in my thoughts, I think I’m missing something, and I like to be reminded to focus on what I’m doing and “just be” there. This is somewhat related to the idea that “only now matters”, but I do see your point on that one. I usually assume my instructor is just trying to tell me that the best thing I can focus on – now that I’ve taken time to get to class and invest an hour – is to focus on now.

    “There is no wrong way…” I really like when my instructors remind me that all of our bodies are different and might respond a different way to a pose. I always thought yogi’s were going to be pretty rigid and obsessed with getting poses perfect or snickering at me when I tumbled over because I was pushing a little further than I could handle. I LOVE it when my instructors remind me that I am there to “practice” after all, and that we should all be experimenting and seeing what our bodies do. I don’t like when my instructor assumes they know how my body works or feels. Though our bodies are mechanisms that are pretty well understood, we all put them into different positions at work and we have different injuries. I think it’s true to some extend that there are many ways yoga can feel and look with different bodies. That’s what I assume my instructor is trying to tell me when they say, “no wrong way…”

    Finally, I am so glad that people in Seattle are too shy and reserved to refer to the bathroom in class. 🙂

  7. Hahahahaha!!! You made me laugh hard here dude. So true… quit the shit and focus on the moves. If I heard someone say any of that stuff in a class I’d start to question if I had walked into a yoga class or a kindergarten.
    Keep the blogs coming… I love them.

  8. Good stuff. You should update this post. I’m sure you’ve gathered many more over the years, or have you gone full yogi?

    How to tell a full-on yogi on Instagram? Their captions are at least twice as long as the size of their photos and filled with ‘philosophical’ ramblings about a point they could have gotten across in one sentence.

    God, I’m so negative. I need to open my heart and mind more.

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