I have a confession to make. I’m actually only 5’10” (on a good day). Most people tend to think I’m 6′ tall though. Why? When you’re more confident you seem taller. When you’re confident you seem to take up more physical space, and that means that you occupy a larger area of somebody’s mind as well. So how can you be more confident, regardless of your occupation, looks, socio-economic status, height, weight, or ability to wrestle a bear?
Confidence is a mindset. It is a reflection of your behavior, both while you are alone with others. It is partly related to how others see you, but a larger factor of confidence is how YOU see yourself. The best way to increase your confidence, without changing a thing in your life (job, relationship status, whatever) is to stop practicing behaviors or actions that innately force you to question yourself. Simply put, stop second-guessing yourself. This isn’t something that you can change in one day. It is, however, something that you can change over time by making a conscious effort to change your actions. Here are 5 ways to start.
1) Don’t Use Your Phone So Much.
More often than not, many of us are not looking at our phone out of necessity for work or because we are expecting to meet somebody and they’re running late. We check our phone because we do not like the feeling of being unloved, lack the feeling of instant gratification from social media updates, and can’t bear to be by ourselves for more than a few minutes. It’s okay if your significant other hasn’t texted you in 5 minutes. If you chose a decent partner she (or he) is probably not cheating on you. Who the fuck cares if your photo has 6 or 7 likes? Is it really going to affect your actions that day? Unless you’re a marketing analyst, you have no reason to count likes.
2) Stop Fishing For Compliments.
No. Body. Likes. This. People will give compliments if they find it appropriate or deem the situation or person compliment-worthy, but don’t apply pressure on somebody to give you a compliment. From a selfish perspective, you shouldn’t even want the compliment at that point because it is not genuine, not to mention that people will think less of you because even though you clearly display or exude qualities worth complimenting, you devalue those same compliment-worthy qualities (and your own level of self-confidence) by looking for vindication from others. (You might have to read that sentence twice.) Basically, being attractive or intelligent is much more powerful when you don’t get people to try and comment on those positive attributes. (Side note: If somebody compliments you, TAKE THE DAMN COMPLIMENT. Don’t be shy and try to argue with them, or it just makes the compliment-giver feel stupid. Side-side note: Unless it’s a creepy comment. Then ignore that shit.)
3) Stop Telling People Your Positive Qualities
You’re not interviewing for a job. Actions speak louder than words. If you’re awesome, then you shouldn’t have to tell other people that you’re awesome in order for them to understand that you’re awesome. They will understand that within the first few minutes of talking with you. If they are too aloof or have made a snap judgment of you before you’ve even started your conversation, then don’t even try with them. They’re probably not the kind of people that you want to associate with anyway. The worst thing that you can do in that situation, though, is to harp on about your awesomeness. People will perceive those more effectively when you use your words or actions to display your awesomeness. More than that, people will sense personal insecurities about your self-professed awesomeness because you feel as if you must specifically state your awesomeness in order for it to be true. In short – just go be awesome. You don’t need to tell people you’re awesome in order for it to be true.
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4) Don’t Care So Much in Low-Pressure Social Atmospheres.
Bars. Parties. Socials. Hanging out at the park. These are opportunities to unwind, be yourself, and have a good time. It shouldn’t feel intimidating or stressful. Do you ever notice how the funny guy is the center of attention? One of the reasons is because of people like laughing. The other, more subconscious reason is because he is confident to the point that he doesn’t care if you think that his actions are appropriate or not. He’s there to have a good time and make people laugh, and he isn’t going to be upset if you think he’s weird or outlandish.
5) Don’t Be A Womanizer
(Note: I almost didn’t include this one in here. I’m not saying this because it’s not “yogic” to be a man-whore. I’m saying this because it is a way for you to be more confident – take it or leave it.)
It is ingrained in the minds of most young men that the more women you sleep with (and in the most demeaning way possible) the more of a man you are. From personal experience, I’ve found that this actually wreaks havoc on your self-confidence. Consider this question: Did you gain more long-term pleasure from the memory of the one-night stand experience itself, or from talking about it with your friends?
There you go. 5 ways to be more confident. Stop second-guessing yourself. Stop relying on others for your own confidence. Try not to give care what people think. It will make you seem taller. 😉
About the author, Dean Pohlman, Founder & CEO of Man Flow Yoga, Author of Yoga Fitness for Men, Expert on Yoga Fitness for Men.
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