I’ve never been the one to pretend I’m perfect.
I fall out of poses in videos. I miss workouts. I mess up as a parent. I lose my temper and respond like an angry child to comments sometimes. I’m definitely not as calm as I’d like to be. My inner critic can be harsh (in fact, the more I go through my own mental health journey, the more I realize that it’s actually a lot harsher than I thought.)
By the way – if you meet somebody who pretends they’re perfect, they’re not. They’re lying. They’re scared of admitting their own inadequacies, of confronting and experiencing the feeling of shame or feeling “not enough”. Don’t listen to them or buy into their bullshit.
I’m not always making the right choices –
I’m failing my way forward. I’m alternating between listening to experts and listening to my own intuition and experience. I don’t trust myself in many situations to make the right decisions. Sometimes I’m making progress in trusting myself more, and at other times, I resort to old fear-based tendencies and try to control everything.
Or instead of failing forward, I might be playing it safe, and not taking any action, not making any changes. And while playing it safe might be okay from some perspectives, I tend to think it’s mostly fear. Not having the courage to overcome whatever fear I’m facing, and staying stuck where I am. Safe? Sure, for a little while. But the status quo is always rising, so by staying in the same place, you’re slowly stagnating.
Very often, I feel completely overwhelmed. Like I’m failing on all fronts.
But I’m not telling you this because I want sympathy. I’m saying this because as soon as I’m able to recognize what I’m feeling, to stop running from it or distracting myself with busyness, that’s when I’m able to feel that frustration, to process that sense of overwhelm, and to remember all of the reasons that I’m NOT failing.
It’s so easy to focus on what’s not going well, when there’s so much that’s going right.
I’m trying my best. I’m showing up. I’m reflecting on what went wrong, and how I can improve. How to do things different. Figuring out what’s really important, and what can be left behind. It’s all a learning process to put you on the right path; to present you with the appropriate ideas, people, and situations that are going to help you grow.
I often have to remind myself that I may not be where I want to be, but it’s a whole lot hell of a better that it was a year ago. Progress isn’t linear – sometimes you realize you’re on the wrong path, and you have to move back in order to go forward.
Don’t wallow in self-pity. Or more accurately, don’t just dip your feet in. DIVE HEADFIRST INTO IT. Experience it fully. Feel it all the way so that you can actually move through it, and then go into your life, embrace the present, and take actions that reflect your values.
It’s only when we acknowledge the dark, when we’re honest with ourselves about how we’re feeling, instead of denying that things aren’t the way you want them to be, that you can appreciate what IS going well, what you ARE grateful for, and how you’re grateful to YOURSELF.
I’ve used this process over and over again. I never fully move through difficult emotions or situations until I have the courage to fully experience them. And once I’ve done that, I’m able to move forward. I’m able to release that burden.
And that’s what I want to invite you to do as well. Don’t gaslight yourself. Don’t pretend everything is okay. Directly confront what’s not going well – feel it all the way – and then you’ll notice that the intensity of the situation starts to die down. The “problem” is still there, but instead of redlining in terms of intensity, it’s down to a manageable level where you’re no longer ruminating on it.
There’s a better way to be “better”. (It’s exactly this idea that sparked the creation of the Better Man Podcast.)
